I’ve written a couple articles recently all aimed at fathers, notably, my last post regarding parental alienation. https://www.planoattorney.net/blog/parental-alienation-and-fathers-rights-2016-02-557 I ended that post by asking “If you stand idly by, what will you say to your children when they are older and ask where you were during their lives or why you did not love them?” Let’s start this month’s discussion there.
If you are a single father and the mother has been working diligently to destroy your relationship with your kids, take control, fight for your kids. They are worth fighting for. Yes, they are expensive, but they are worth every penny and if they are not, it is because you did not man up and take a role in their lives to help guide them to grow up to be productive adults in the future. And, since you are taking the time to read this, I am probably preaching to the choir in which case I go back to my original statement – they are worth every penny. If you are the mother (not a member of this choir) please continue reading, this applies directly to you too. Fathers, you may read as well, there are times the choir needs encouraging too.
Children need their father. How they grow up and what kind of relationships they seek out, whom the marry or do not marry, and the absolute future of their own marriages depends on what you do next. Your children will have successful homes, successful careers and successful children (your grand children) if BOTH PARENTS stand up and act like the mother and father your children deserve. That means BOTH PARENTS are an integral part of the children’s lives, BOTH PARENTS spend time with the children, and BOTH PARENTS put aside whatever issues they may have with the other parent and start realizing that Mom’s relationship with Dad or Dad’s relationship with Mom does not have to affect and it absolutely does not need to mirror the relationship between the the other parent and the children.
Dads, that means DO NOT let the mother destroy your role in the family. Again, I presume I am preaching to the choir but if you are a father who does not participate in your children’s lives, it is time for you to put in the time and effort. A father cannot accept no for an answer and cannot say the tried unless he actually went and knocked on the door and tried. Which is the subject of my next installment, stay tuned.
What does this mean? What is a man supposed to do? Simply put, don’t accept “no” for an answer. Several times a month I hear from some guy complaining that his ex (the mother) will not let him see the kids, talk to the kids, etc. A few times a year I hear a complaint that “she is hiding my kids from me”. It is absolutely astounding the answer I get when I ask “have you tried to see the kids?” The responses vary but overwhelmingly, I hear “she won’t let me.” When I inquire further, it turns out “she won’t let me” means the mother has said she will not allow visitation or possession and the father has accepted her words (whatever they may have been) as fact. Guess what, she has done nothing wrong.
That’s right, when a mother says she will deny visitation, she has not done anything wrong in the eyes of the law. Let’s put this into perspective. If you make a statement such as “I would rob a bank if I knew I could get away with it.” Have you broken the law? No, you have not, you have merely said that you would, if you could get away with it. You only break the law if you actually do the deed (or make some concerted effort towards committing the crime). Now apply this to the single parent scenario – “If you show up, I will not let you see the kids.” That is a not a violation of the Court Orders, she must actually deny the visitation. Denial can occur several ways but they all require you attempt the visitation . . . you must actually go knock on the door, you must actually log-in and attempt to connect via Skype, you must pick up the phone and dial, etc. Mom violates the Orders by not making the kids accessible, not answering the phone, not allowing them to use the computer to Skype, not answering the door, taking the kids somewhere so that they are not present when you knock on the door, or encouraging the kids to “not go with you” WHEN YOU MAKE THE EFFORT.
Accordingly, here below is the Guys Guide on How To Prove Mom is Violating Court Orders and Denying Visitation –
- Exercise your possession time. This is exactly what it says, if you are permitted to Skype or phone communication on Wednesday night, call or log in on Wednesday night and do it on a regular basis. If you have 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends, plan your “single guy” social life around those weekends and go spend time with your kids.
- If Mom says don’t bother. Bother! Show up, ask for the kids and do not accept her saying she will not allow visitation, make her actually deny the visitation. Make her choose between following court orders or ignoring a Judge’s direct order just to “get even with you”. She has to choose one or the other if you go knock on the door or show up at the appointed place and time to pick up the kids. Make her say NO to your face at the time she is ORDERED by the Court to give you possession, access, or visitation and better yet, make her do it in front of a witness. (Come back to see the next installment for information on how to prove the violation.)
- Hold her in contempt of court. A contempt order should make her pay your attorneys fees and cost but do not hesitate to file the contempt and motion to enforce because you may not get your attorneys fees paid by her. It is a step in the right direction. This is not about the money it is about the kids. It is about your relationship with the kids, and it is about their relationship with you. And, it is about your obligation to your children and society at large to help those kids grow up to be something or someone. Your children do not have to be famous to be the parents of your grandchildren or the husband of the daughter you never had.
- Use the law, use the courts, use your time and energy, but whatever you do, just do not use your tail bone to sit down and watch the mother of your children destroy your GOD given right to have a meaningful and complete relationship with your children.
Yes, I said it, you have a GOD given right to a relationship with your children. That means as a Father, you have the right to a relationship with your children including the right to enjoy a rewarding bond with those children and their children, the right to have possession and access to the children when they are younger, the right to make decisions of legal consequence related to the children and the right to be an integral part of the child’s life. These rights were granted to you by the Creator and devolve via DNA. You do not have to go to Court to get these rights, they are yours the second that child takes his or her first breath and they are identical in every way to the rights of a mother unless and until a Judge says otherwise. NOTE, I said “JUDGE” this is not something “mom” gets to decide, she can assert, she can accuse, she can believe but unless she wears a black robe issued by the State of Texas, she can take her belief’s to church, her intuition to her hair dresser, and (to paraphrase Voltaire) she can take her opinions to the smallest room in the house where she can write them on paper and put them behind her.
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